Alright, I will admit it. I am a wimpy scaredy cat. I did not go to the face-to-face meeting last Thursday.... and I haven't been to one any other day. Honestly, I haven't even attended an online meeting. I have been working not to overeat and been choosing healthier foods the past week though. I was single on Valentines day (for the first time in 7 years) and made a delicious meatless couscous casserole. It was delicious! My BFF and I ate half of it... luckily it only serves 6 so we at 1.5 servings each.
I know I promised to post a picture of what I look like, so I will get on that in the next day or two. First I have to find my camera.
As for a weigh-in, I checked yesterday morning and I weighed 182.5 lbs. I will attribute any weight loss I had to 1. eating less and better food and 2. starting a new job where I am literally moving around nonstop. Some days I even break into a sweat running around. In two more weeks I will weigh myself again. I will definitely be going to a meeting on Thursday and will attend an online meeting on Monday and Wednesday.
That is all for now. Stay well!
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
This is EXACTLY the problem.... I think.
I am not sure WHY I overeat. Nor am I sure why I buy lots and lots of food all the time so I have huge stockpiles of it. While we were not rich growing up, my parents always insured I had 3 meals a day and plenty of snacks. They went to food pantries and received assistance from the government if necessary so that we could eat. I never experienced food insecurity, but for some reason I have an absolute FEAR that I will not have enough food.
One of my suspicions as to why I overeat is that it is how I deal with stress. This may sound pathetic to some, but I think it is more common than people are willing to admit. Today, for example, I had to attend the wake of a friend's father. Granted, this was not my own father, but I felt so sad for my friend and her family. I was/am also worried for my own parents, who are getting older and are overweight like me. When I was out shopping for a few essentials today, I bought a bag of twizzlers... a big one. I ate 5 of these pull-and-peels before the wake and 3 more when I got in the car. When I got home I had to leave the rest of the twizzlers in the car so I wouldn't eat them. I KNOW I would have eaten them if already if I hadn't left them in the car.
I know that 1. I should not have purchased the candy and 2. If I felt I had to have them, I should have eaten one or two and put the rest away for another time. One of the things I could have done instead of eating candy was simply go for a walk or walk inside on my Gazelle glider. These are some of the things I need to work on.
Tomorrow is my first OA meeting. It starts at 7 pm. Hopefully it will be good and I won't feel too uncomfortable. I think the more I go the better I will feel too. Looking to the weekend, Friday I will be grocery shopping for the next 2 weeks. On the menu will be fruits and veggies, tofu, brown rice, yogurt, and some other things. These will be part of my new meat free diet (more on that tomorrow).
More updates tomorrow. I am going to begin keeping a food journal and will periodically post some of my favorite healthy recipes for you.
Stay well ya'll.
One of my suspicions as to why I overeat is that it is how I deal with stress. This may sound pathetic to some, but I think it is more common than people are willing to admit. Today, for example, I had to attend the wake of a friend's father. Granted, this was not my own father, but I felt so sad for my friend and her family. I was/am also worried for my own parents, who are getting older and are overweight like me. When I was out shopping for a few essentials today, I bought a bag of twizzlers... a big one. I ate 5 of these pull-and-peels before the wake and 3 more when I got in the car. When I got home I had to leave the rest of the twizzlers in the car so I wouldn't eat them. I KNOW I would have eaten them if already if I hadn't left them in the car.
I know that 1. I should not have purchased the candy and 2. If I felt I had to have them, I should have eaten one or two and put the rest away for another time. One of the things I could have done instead of eating candy was simply go for a walk or walk inside on my Gazelle glider. These are some of the things I need to work on.
Tomorrow is my first OA meeting. It starts at 7 pm. Hopefully it will be good and I won't feel too uncomfortable. I think the more I go the better I will feel too. Looking to the weekend, Friday I will be grocery shopping for the next 2 weeks. On the menu will be fruits and veggies, tofu, brown rice, yogurt, and some other things. These will be part of my new meat free diet (more on that tomorrow).
More updates tomorrow. I am going to begin keeping a food journal and will periodically post some of my favorite healthy recipes for you.
Stay well ya'll.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
O.A.
Have you heard of Overeaters Anonymous? I first came across the organization when I was a freshman in high school. I borrowed a random book from the school library called "Passing for Thin: Losing Half My Weight and Finding My Self" by Frances Kuffel. I am not positive that Kuffel names OA specifically, but she does talk about an overeating support group and having a sponsor. Throughout high school I borrowed that book at least once a year. There was something comforting about hearing a grown woman's struggles with losing weight. Granted, I probably weighted around 190-210 lbs at the time, but I related to how this 313 lb. 42 year old woman.
The next time I heard of OA was about a year and a half ago. I was in a relationship that, while not BAD or abusive or anything, was not what it should have been. This began to make me second guess how I felt about myself for a while. After a couple months of looking at the organization's structure and beliefs I attended an online meeting. It seemed strange to hear people with issues just like me - complaining about how they felt different and strange in their own skin. I wasn't brave enough to go to an actual meeting though.
This past summer I visited California where OA and I crossed paths again. Someone very close to me, and not at all someone I would think of as having food issues appropriate for OA, mentioned it to me when I was visiting. I was shocked! This person is so tiny, but she was not always that way. We talked some about OA, but it is a very private thing for people..... after all anonymous is in the name. I truly appreciated what she had to share, and even read some of her daily readings. When I left California she gave me a small stack of literature about OA. I read it on the plane.
My last experience with OA was shortly after my summer trip. I attended another random OA meeting at 1 am eastern time. These meetings have people from all over the world in attendance. It is amazing! On this particular night I shared with the other people at the online meeting about something frustrating that happened while I was in California. I went on a trip to a beautiful island off of the coast of CA on my last full day. When we were riding over, I discovered there was a series of zip lines across the island. That sounded so fun to me! I love adventurous things and the zip line seemed right up my alley. When we got to the island I looked at a brochure and noticed there was a weight limit of 235 lbs. To get out of going on the zip line I had been so excited about, without pointing out that I weighed too much, I had to act like I was scared suddenly. It was pathetic and I am sure I did not fool my hosts, but I was so sad I could not do the zip line.
I shared this story with the other guests and was sent a private message from one of the people in attendance. She told me she really related to my story and asked if I had been to any face2face meetings. Then she asked where I was from. It turns out we are from the same town! Upon hearing this, the woman invited me to a f2f meeting the next day, just down the road from my house. I was so nervous and embarrassed, but I went and met the woman who had related to me so well online. It was a nice meeting, although there were only four of us and two of us were pretty new. I said I would go again, but I never did. I don't know if I was ready. I think I am ready now. I feel more ready than I ever have!
I am not an expert on OA or its beliefs. It is based on the 12 steps that Alcoholics Anonymous follows. This week will be my first week attending meetings since the summer. I am a bit scared and a lot nervous because the meeting I am attending is in a familiar area for me, but OA is a very quiet and private organization. I will be attending 1-4 f2f meetings a week and will try to also do online meetings when I do not have a f2f meeting to attend. If you are interested in learning more about OA and it's beliefs, please go to www.oa.org. You can find face2face, online, and even telephone meetings and a lot of resources.
Obviously I will not be able to share things that I HEAR at these meetings, but I will share what I talk about and how I am feeling. As I start this process I will also begin working on exercising regularly and food choices/portion control. I have also decided that I am going to weigh myself every two weeks. My first weigh-in was on 1/31 (even though I wrote about it a few days later). My next weigh-in will be on 2/14 (yay Valentine's Day hahaha). I will also post a few pictures by 2/14 to use as a baseline for any weight loss I achieve.
Until next time, work on being healthy everyone. It's the best we can do right now.
The next time I heard of OA was about a year and a half ago. I was in a relationship that, while not BAD or abusive or anything, was not what it should have been. This began to make me second guess how I felt about myself for a while. After a couple months of looking at the organization's structure and beliefs I attended an online meeting. It seemed strange to hear people with issues just like me - complaining about how they felt different and strange in their own skin. I wasn't brave enough to go to an actual meeting though.
This past summer I visited California where OA and I crossed paths again. Someone very close to me, and not at all someone I would think of as having food issues appropriate for OA, mentioned it to me when I was visiting. I was shocked! This person is so tiny, but she was not always that way. We talked some about OA, but it is a very private thing for people..... after all anonymous is in the name. I truly appreciated what she had to share, and even read some of her daily readings. When I left California she gave me a small stack of literature about OA. I read it on the plane.
My last experience with OA was shortly after my summer trip. I attended another random OA meeting at 1 am eastern time. These meetings have people from all over the world in attendance. It is amazing! On this particular night I shared with the other people at the online meeting about something frustrating that happened while I was in California. I went on a trip to a beautiful island off of the coast of CA on my last full day. When we were riding over, I discovered there was a series of zip lines across the island. That sounded so fun to me! I love adventurous things and the zip line seemed right up my alley. When we got to the island I looked at a brochure and noticed there was a weight limit of 235 lbs. To get out of going on the zip line I had been so excited about, without pointing out that I weighed too much, I had to act like I was scared suddenly. It was pathetic and I am sure I did not fool my hosts, but I was so sad I could not do the zip line.
I shared this story with the other guests and was sent a private message from one of the people in attendance. She told me she really related to my story and asked if I had been to any face2face meetings. Then she asked where I was from. It turns out we are from the same town! Upon hearing this, the woman invited me to a f2f meeting the next day, just down the road from my house. I was so nervous and embarrassed, but I went and met the woman who had related to me so well online. It was a nice meeting, although there were only four of us and two of us were pretty new. I said I would go again, but I never did. I don't know if I was ready. I think I am ready now. I feel more ready than I ever have!
I am not an expert on OA or its beliefs. It is based on the 12 steps that Alcoholics Anonymous follows. This week will be my first week attending meetings since the summer. I am a bit scared and a lot nervous because the meeting I am attending is in a familiar area for me, but OA is a very quiet and private organization. I will be attending 1-4 f2f meetings a week and will try to also do online meetings when I do not have a f2f meeting to attend. If you are interested in learning more about OA and it's beliefs, please go to www.oa.org. You can find face2face, online, and even telephone meetings and a lot of resources.
Obviously I will not be able to share things that I HEAR at these meetings, but I will share what I talk about and how I am feeling. As I start this process I will also begin working on exercising regularly and food choices/portion control. I have also decided that I am going to weigh myself every two weeks. My first weigh-in was on 1/31 (even though I wrote about it a few days later). My next weigh-in will be on 2/14 (yay Valentine's Day hahaha). I will also post a few pictures by 2/14 to use as a baseline for any weight loss I achieve.
Until next time, work on being healthy everyone. It's the best we can do right now.
Friday, February 4, 2011
286 lbs.
"Really? Oh wow! WOW!"
Those were the words I heard from the nurse who was taking my weight, height, blood pressure and a variety of other stats during my pre-employment physical earlier this week. Really? Wow.
I have been overweight for almost as long as I can remember. In the fifth grade I remember hating my size 14 or 16 pants. I was in a new school, had an attitude that was completely foreign to my new environment and was already blossoming into womanhood. Add to it that I peaked in height in fifth grade and I was all around an oddball. Luckily, I have always been pretty resilient and confident. I still played sports and always had plenty of friends.
Regardless, my confidence has been wavering in recent months. The tipping point was definitely Monday when I had to endure the humiliation of a nurse who could not keep her two cents to herself. She even told me I was "obviously solid." Gee thanks! Granted, I do weigh a lot. I am uniformly large all around, but being only 5'4" my weight is extremely noticeable. It is becoming burdensome and making me feel uncomfortable every now and again. Being overweight is getting OLD!
So I am going to start changing my habits. I have very supportive friends and family who will help me along the way, with recipes and other suggestions. In addition, I plan to begin attending overeaters anonymous meetings ever week. There are obvious things I am doing wrong, and I know it. Over the next several months I will be changing the way I eat, exercising more, and hopefully reaping the benefits of hard work. Do not get me wrong - while weight loss is my external goal, I believe this change will help me build back my confidence, make me healthier overall, and help me realize that I really hold the key to my happiness in life.
Here are the things I am going to be working on:
1. Portion control
2. Walking/exercising regularly (3-5 times a week)
3. Healthy food choices
4. Confidence building and alternative ways to handle stressful situations other than eating.
Now lets take a minute to be realistic. I do not think pounds will be flying off of my body any time soon. What I do think is that my success will not only be measured in pounds lost, but also in skills and confidence gained. In an ideal world I would lose 120-130 pounds in the next 18 months or so. While this goal would still leave me with a BMI around 28(still overweight for my height), it would be a great improvement from my current BMI of 49. Unlike the people on popular weight loss television shows, I cannot exercise 3-6 hours a day, but I can easily go on walks in the evenings, go dancing on weekends, and park a little farther from the store when I go out.
So that is it for my first blog. It is about as honest as I can get. I don't think this will be perfect, but I am hoping for success. Any encouragement, recipes and tips will be greatly appreciated. I am sure I will need all the encouragement I can get.
Those were the words I heard from the nurse who was taking my weight, height, blood pressure and a variety of other stats during my pre-employment physical earlier this week. Really? Wow.
I have been overweight for almost as long as I can remember. In the fifth grade I remember hating my size 14 or 16 pants. I was in a new school, had an attitude that was completely foreign to my new environment and was already blossoming into womanhood. Add to it that I peaked in height in fifth grade and I was all around an oddball. Luckily, I have always been pretty resilient and confident. I still played sports and always had plenty of friends.
Regardless, my confidence has been wavering in recent months. The tipping point was definitely Monday when I had to endure the humiliation of a nurse who could not keep her two cents to herself. She even told me I was "obviously solid." Gee thanks! Granted, I do weigh a lot. I am uniformly large all around, but being only 5'4" my weight is extremely noticeable. It is becoming burdensome and making me feel uncomfortable every now and again. Being overweight is getting OLD!
So I am going to start changing my habits. I have very supportive friends and family who will help me along the way, with recipes and other suggestions. In addition, I plan to begin attending overeaters anonymous meetings ever week. There are obvious things I am doing wrong, and I know it. Over the next several months I will be changing the way I eat, exercising more, and hopefully reaping the benefits of hard work. Do not get me wrong - while weight loss is my external goal, I believe this change will help me build back my confidence, make me healthier overall, and help me realize that I really hold the key to my happiness in life.
Here are the things I am going to be working on:
1. Portion control
2. Walking/exercising regularly (3-5 times a week)
3. Healthy food choices
4. Confidence building and alternative ways to handle stressful situations other than eating.
Now lets take a minute to be realistic. I do not think pounds will be flying off of my body any time soon. What I do think is that my success will not only be measured in pounds lost, but also in skills and confidence gained. In an ideal world I would lose 120-130 pounds in the next 18 months or so. While this goal would still leave me with a BMI around 28(still overweight for my height), it would be a great improvement from my current BMI of 49. Unlike the people on popular weight loss television shows, I cannot exercise 3-6 hours a day, but I can easily go on walks in the evenings, go dancing on weekends, and park a little farther from the store when I go out.
So that is it for my first blog. It is about as honest as I can get. I don't think this will be perfect, but I am hoping for success. Any encouragement, recipes and tips will be greatly appreciated. I am sure I will need all the encouragement I can get.
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